


A Court of Wonder and Despair

by Emy_09



Series: A Court of Thorns and Roses {AU} [2]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Hope, Love, Love/Hate, Post-Book 1: A Court of Thorns and Roses, Post-Book 2: A Court of Mist and Fury, Post-Book 3.5: A Court of Frost and Starlight, Post-Book 3: A Court of Wings and Ruin, Redemption, The Autumn Court (ACoTaR), The Dawn Court (ACoTaR), The Day Court (Acotar), The Night Court, The Spring Court (ACoTaR), The Summer Court (ACoTaR), The Winter Court (ACoTaR)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:29:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29937603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emy_09/pseuds/Emy_09
Summary: {ACOTAR AU - Spinoff}(Note: This story aligns with "A Court of Horizon and Shadows")"They were the same, she realized, holding pain within themselves for so long. She could feel it. They both were connected in some way... and she didn't fear him as everyone else did."After being temporarily dismissed by the Daughter of Dawn, Valeria, the attendant of Dawn, decides to head to the Spring Court, visiting her aunts that reside there. Upon her arrival, Valeria notices how bad the High Lady of Night and the War of Hybern impacted them, seeing its citizens trying to return to normalcy.As she spends her time in the Spring Court, Valeria offers to help, wanting to do anything she can to assist them. But when she goes to the palace of the High Lord by herself out of curiosity, she discovers just how bad Tamlin was affected by his own actions.And once she comes face to face with him, Valeria will soon realize that they both have more things in common than they should.{All ACOTAR characters belong to Sarah J. Maas}
Relationships: Azriel (ACoTaR)/Original Character(s), Elain Archeron & Lucien Vanserra, Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Kallias/Viviane (ACoTaR), Tamlin (ACoTaR)/Original Character(s)
Series: A Court of Thorns and Roses {AU} [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1973467
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

_Almost three years after Feyre's wrath came down onto the Spring Court, things only became worse for the court and its citizens._

_The High Lord of Spring, Tamlin, has been absent, staying in his palace, living with his own despair and failure, knowing that everything he had sacrificed was for nothing._

_The disgraced High Lord sits in his own room, drinking himself away, wondering when his last breath will come to devour his life and waiting for the spirits to take him._

_The truths of what he did to Feyre (High Lady of Night) and how he sold out his own court, have circulated all around Prythian, haunting his mind and surrounding him in utter darkness._

_He believes that he is the beast that the stories tell._

_Ruthless, cruel, hopeless... forever unlovable._

_He has been abandoned by almost everyone who trusted him, except the five people who have been with him ever since he grew up._

_As his mind goes deeper into the void, Tamlin does nothing to heal himself, thinking that he deserves every consequence that comes his way; that he doesn't deserve anything good._

_He believed that everyone hated him, that he was doomed to live out the rest of his life alone._

**_For who could ever learn to love a beast?_ **

_***_

_**A few months after the war with Hybern…** _

The High Lord of Spring stood in his bathroom, staring down at the running water.

_Hopeless._

_Disgraced._

_Damned._

Those were the three words that repeated in his mind, reminding him of what he was, what everyone thought of him, even his own court. Everything had come to light.

The truths about what he had done to Feyre, how he sold his court to Hybern, how Feyre primed his court to fall, and how she played him, was all laid out on the table for everyone to take in.

And once everyone had seen the truth, the High Lord no longer received respect from anyone, not even the people who still resided in his court.

After the war was over, many of the Spring Court citizens had left for the Summer Court, where Tarquin offered refuge and shelter for those who needed it the most. But also, he offered shelter to those who wanted to leave, knowing that many of the Spring-Court born no longer wanted to serve their disgraced High Lord.

Tamlin let it happen. He knew that many of the families would be better off, knowing that they had lost their homes and their lives because of the choices he had made; choices that haunted his mind to the point where he wondered where it all went wrong.

It all started with _her_ and ended with _her_.

He had let his obsession and possessiveness over Feyre drive his mind to the point where he couldn’t think about anything else. After Rhysand had taken her to the Night Court, Tamlin was an emotional mess, scrambling to find ways to get her back, to apologize, to amend one of the many mistakes that he had made.

He had sacrificed everything. His court. Lucien. Even himself.

The High Lord of Spring made a deal with the devil if it meant getting Feyre back. He believed she was suffering, begging for Rhysand to take her back home… back to him.

But that wasn’t true. None of it was.

In reality, Feyre was thriving; in love with the freedom that her new love had given her - that her _mate_ had given her.

_Be happy, Feyre._

The last words he had said to her when he had helped revive Rhysand. He saw how destroyed she was, staring down at the High Lord with loving eyes. He saw how her heart was ripped out of her, how she screamed in agony. She was torn apart, as he was, but only harder.

He remembered her in Under the Mountain, how she tried to save him and he stood by and watched her get beaten, abused, and bloodied… all for him. She had saved him countless times and the only thing he had given her in return was imprisonment, pain, and fear.

He was no better than the Deceiver who held all the High Lords on the palm of her hand, controlling them as she saw fit.

Feyre deserved happiness, even if it wasn’t with him.

The High Lord of Spring didn’t give it a second thought. The damage had already been done. He dropped that kernel of his power and walked away, heading back to whatever was left of his court.

He clutched the sides of the sink, his claws slowly coming out of their tethered state. Tamlin felt the tears stream down his face, his body shaking with rage and exhaustion. He was covered in dried blood from… he couldn’t even remember.

_Eat, Tamlin._

No, he did remember. The elk he had killed in his forest.

Rhysand had come by one morning, explaining something that he couldn’t quite remember. The High Lord of Night had come and gone as quick as lightning, cooking the raw meat and exiting his home with nothing but a whisper of darkness.

Tamlin did eat it, wanting to calm his primal mind.

His anger always had the best of him, unleashing it upon his entire home. He would throw, break, and destroy everything in his sight, his screams echoing throughout the empty palace that did nothing but haunt him.

There was only pain, pain, pain… and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. Tamlin felt his mind crumbing inside his head, feeling as if there was nothing left of him.

And he supposed there was.

He had failed everyone, even himself.

_There. Was. Nothing. Left._

Tamlin yelled, breaking the sink with his own fist, the water spraying all over the place. The dried blood ran down his body, dripping onto the floor as he kept releasing his anger as if blaming his own home for his mistakes.

He winnowed out of his home, shifting himself into his beast form.

But before he set off into the wild once more, he looked back at his overgrown palace, seeing how unkempt and abandoned it looked. He growled, turning away from it.

Then he set his eyes on his court.

From up the hill, he could see the remainder of his people walking through the brick roads of the Spring Court. They all either sat around, speaking to one another, or they were working on rebuilding what they lost in the war.

Tamlin turned away from them too, knowing that he should do something to help, to stop feeling sorry for himself. But even if he did, they would still hate him, which they had every right to do.

He did not deserve their forgiveness or their loyalty. But the Spring Court was their home and they had placed rules for themselves as he was rotting away in his solitude.

Everyone would be better off without him.

The High Lord of Spring let out a mighty roar before departing from his court once more, heading into the wilderness that welcomed him into its unknown corners, staying close to his court, and protecting it in his monstrous form.


	2. Chapter 2

Valeria looked out the windows of the Daughter of Dawn's bedroom, staring out to the beautiful horizon.

Auriella had already departed to the Night Court with her wolf companion. She had told her attendants that they were temporarily dismissed until she was ready to come back. Valeria knew that the Daughter of Dawn was still suffering greatly from everything that had happened to her. It was heartbreaking to even think about.

Valeria, along with Lara, were without their mistress for almost forty years. They stayed in the Dawn Court palace, looking after her brother, Damian, who cried everyday over his captured family, begging to the spirits to bring them back.

The attendants of Dawn were immediately at his side, helping him with anything that he needed. Valeria and Lara made it their duty to keep order inside of the palace, seeing how the Dawn Court was now reeling over the capture of the Daughter of Dawn.

After Auriella came back, along with her fathers, nothing was the same. For months, she was in a state of depression, not wanting to do anything. Even after the war with Hybern, she went back into that dark void, wanting it to swallow her whole.

Valeria and Lara were by her side day and night, knowing that she wasn't in shape to be by herself. They were both heartbroken to see her emotionless. She was once a light that illuminated the deepest darkness, but that all changed after Amarantha.

Valeria hoped that Auriella would find her way to become that light again, that this journey into the Night Court would heal her. She prayed to the spirits the night before, pleading for them to be with the Daughter of Dawn as she was away.

As she stared out the window, Lara appeared at her side, leaning against the wall. "Are you going to stay here? Or are you going back to the Winter Court?" She asked.

Valeria's heart jumped at the mention of her home. No, she didn't want to go back to where she was not wanted, especially after that day. She could still see flashes in her mind, reminding her that she couldn't escape what she had done. She closed her eyes, willing away the memory.

She looked over at the other maiden, "No, I'm not. I've received word from my aunts in the Spring Court, saying that they are having trouble over there. I am going over there myself to help them in any way I can." Valeria tells her.

Lara's eyes narrowed, "Is it still bad over there? I thought that the High Lord of Spring must have done something to fix things after what he had done. It's been three years since the war. I don't believe that he would leave his people to suffer for so long." She says.

Valeria shrugged, "I am unsure. But I do not want my aunts to fend for themselves. They refused to leave their home, even though everyone mostly left for the Summer Court. There are only a handful of people that reside in Spring." She says.

Her aunts, Elba and Revine, were originally from the Winter Court. They met several decades ago, eventually tying the knot, and getting away from the snow. They settled down in the Spring Court, admiring nature and building their home in the villages.

Valeria had visited them when she was little, seeing why they chose to live there. They didn't have to trudge through snow or shovel it away from the paved roads or have to wear heavy coats that wore them down. In the Spring Court, the sun beamed down upon the greenness of the land, illuminating the blooming flowers, and reflecting upon the streams.

She remembered playing with her aunts, running through the meadows and gardens. They would splash in the streams and laugh at the jokes they each made. In those few days she was with them, she never wanted to leave.

As she grew up, there were times when she couldn't stand being with her family, hating the silent atmosphere that surrounded her whenever she was in the room. Her parents would stare at her as if she was a stranger. And her brother, Adonis, avoided eye contact with her.

Her sister, Delilah, would be the only one who ever spoke with her. She would talk about her day, carrying stories that Valeria was intrigued to hear. She told the most interesting stories, even if they weren't real.

But after that night, nothing was the same between them.

"Would your family be okay with you being there? You've said that they have written to you. Did they ever want you to go back home?" Lara asked.

Yes, they did.

Icarus, her father, and one of the Winter Court Generals, who was very much respected. He was a man who held authority, taught his children to fight and to learn from him. Valeria, being the first born, didn't really have a choice. Valeria was disciplined from a young age, but became rebellious as she grew older.

Alma, her mother, was always into literature. She taught her children at home, their education higher than the rest. Valeria remembered spending hours trying to read one sentence correctly at four years of age. She had spent so much time with her mother, being able to read an entire chapter book by age ten.

With her other siblings, they weren't pushed as hard. Her parents were more lenient, letting them make their own choices. It angered Valeria all the time, wondering why she was being treated differently. She wondered if her parents only gave her the education to help her survive out in the world without them; to get rid of her even quicker.

The thought sent the _ice_ underneath her skin to grow colder. She took a deep breath, wanting to keep it tethered in place.

She took a deep breath, "I don't care what they want. I made a choice a long time ago to stay away from them. I don't even want to see their faces." She breathed.

Lara put a hand on her shoulder, "Val, don't be so hard on yourself. What happened between you and them was in the past. You cannot hold onto it forever. Eventually, it will catch up with you again." She tells her.

Lara was the only one who knew about her abilities. She had meant to tell Auriella, but she was afraid of what her mistress would think of her, even though she was different too. The Daughter of Dawn was a _Shadowsinger,_ the same as the Spymaster of the Night Court.

Valeria nodded, wanting to change the conversation, "Are you heading back to the Day Court?" She asked.

The maiden nodded, "I am. My mother has been hounding me to go visit her. It would also be a chance for her to meet Damian, if he wants." She says, her voice low.

Lara and Damian have hidden their relationship for nearly two decades, still keeping it under wraps from Auriella and everyone else. Valeria was the only one who knew about them, not telling a single soul. It wasn't her business to tell.

Valeria nudged her side, "I can't believe you two have hid it for this long. When are you going to tell Auriella about this? You know that she will be happy for you. She would never judge you both for how you feel for each other." She asks.

Lara nods, "Damian plans on telling her soon. He is tired of hiding it and so am I. Hopefully, when we are at the Day Court, it would be a breath of fresh air for the both of us. He needs it more than I do." She says.

"Does he still have nightmares?" Valeria asks.

Lara closes her eyes, "Almost every night. Sometimes, I would wake up in the morning to find him at the side of the bed crying. He always puts on a brave face in front of his family, but in reality, he is filled with grief and relief. He is grateful he has them back." She explains.

Valeria smiles, "He is also grateful to have you by his side. I can see how he loves you. If he didn't have you, things could have been so much worse." She says to her.

Lara grins, "If he didn't have me, he wouldn't be as well-kept as he is now. You all wonder how he became such a gentleman," she flips her black hair over her shoulder, "I am partly to thank for that." She says, her brown eyes gleaming in the sunlight.

"You forget that he is the Son of Dawn. His fathers raised him that way." Valeria says.

Lara winks at her, "I raised him in many ways." She says, making Valeria gag, playfully shoving the laughing female aside.

"I will miss you, Lara. Be safe over there." Valeria tells her.

The maiden pulls her into an embrace, "I should be saying that to you. Don't get yourself into too much trouble over in the Spring Court. I will be praying to the spirits, not for you, but for everyone there. I feel as if the High Lord might need prayers to handle you." She jokes.

Valeria laughs, pulling away from the embrace.

As the sun rose higher into the sky, Valeria was already waiting in the foyer of the Dawn Court palace, her small satchel carrying clothes and two of her favorite books. She read one of them as she sat on the couch, waiting for Wadsworth to arrive.

She had read the story hundreds of times. It was about a human girl in poverty, living with her wicked family, getting the chance to go to a beautiful ball. She wore a lavish dress, with the finest heels, dancing with a human male. It wasn't until chapter three where she discovered that it was the prince.

Valeria smiled at the part, her heart tightening every time.

When Wadsworth did arrive, he entered through the doors with Zephyr, Auriella's father. Valeria immediately stood, bowing her head slightly to him. The captain smiled, "Valeria, I was informed that Auriella dismissed you temporarily. Where are you heading?" He asks.

She smiled at him, "To the Spring Court, Captain. My aunts reside there. I decided to pay them a visit for the time I am dismissed. I hope that isn't a problem." She tells him.

The captain shakes his head, "You are free to go wherever you like, Valeria. But please, do not overshare anything from her that you deem important. Remember, your loyalties still lie with the Dawn Court and with my daughter." He warns.

A chill crept down her spine, "Of course, sir. I wouldn't reveal anything that could harm the Dawn Court or the Daughter of Dawn. This is my home. I wouldn't want to threaten it in any way." Valeria says.

Zephyr kissed her hand, "I know, Valeria. Please, be safe over there." He says, before heading down the corridors to the throne room.

Wadsworth takes a deep breath, "Are you ready to leave, attendant?" He asks.

Valeria nodded.

They both head out of the palace, the tall wooden doors sealing shut behind them. Valeria turned back to the golden-colored house. A place she had lived in for forty years, cherishing memories that she would always remember.

Even as Wadsworth winnowed them away to the Spring Court, Valeria couldn't help but feel as if it would be her last time in and out of those doors.


End file.
